Welcome to The Mommy Whisperer Podcast. I’m Heather Anderson and I am a mother, wife, educator, and Life Coach. I am here to help support and strengthen you on your journey through motherhood– the most important job in the world!
Hi moms! Thank you for joining me today. I love being here each week with you and talking to you about things that are on my mind, things that I think will really help you in your motherhood, and I always hope I leave you with some inspiration as you walk away from each episode–a different way of looking at things; a different way of doing things; maybe something new to try that just might work for you this time with your children. That is why I do this.
The review of the week comes from Soccer Player. It says, “Heather keeps her messages short, but each episode contains powerful insights to navigate the complicated world of parenting. I’ve listened to each of her episodes twice now so I can catch more gems of wisdom from her and can’t wait for more episodes.” Thank you so much for taking the time to write that. I do try to keep these episodes short. I respect moms’ busy schedules more than most. And if you could just catch those gems of wisdom and move on with your day, then I’ve done my job.
Mother’s Day is coming up. A day that should be all about you, but usually isn’t. I mean, how can a day be all about someone when everyone is always needing that someone to help and serve them? Motherhood is hardly ever a day off.
And if you’re like me, my expectations used to be high, like on my birthday, I would wake up feeling like this would be a magical day and couldn’t wait to see what everyone had in store for me. I knew what I was hoping it would be like, but not very often did it turn out even close to that. Until one year, quite a while ago, my sister said to me, “The secret to having a decent birthday and mother’s day is to wake up as if it were just a regular day, and IF anything special happens that day, it’s just bonus.” Well, that helped me a bit, it helped me to at least get my expectations down a lot, which did help.
But I would like to take that a step further here today. Yes, it’s important to not wake up with a ton of expectations on our special day–whether that be mother’s day or birthday or maybe an anniversary–but it’s also important to let any expectations that you have known to you love.
The people who love us and need us most want for us to have a special day, they want us to have the day we want, they really want to please us and help make us feel loved. So the best way for us to make sure this happens is to make sure it happens.
There is no shame in telling everyone, or maybe just your partner if they want to be the one to orchestrate your special day, exactly what you want that day to look like. If you want to be able to sleep in while the kids are fed breakfast, and when they are done eating you would like everyone to pitch in and bring you breakfast in bed. Make sure to let someone know that that’s what you would like. And spell it out, if you need to, I mean, you kind of need to. If you don’t really care too much about the details then you don’t need to spell it out completely, but you have to really ask yourself, “What do I really want? And are there details in there that I really want to make sure happen?” Like, do you want the kids to be fed first so that they don’t come bring you breakfast in bed and try to eat all your food because they’re starving. So really spell it out whenever you figure it out for yourself what it is exactly you want.
One of the things I say every year to everyone is that I want a card from each person telling me how much they love me. They can make it or buy it or whatever, but my family knows that I would much rather have sweet words than for them, than for them to go spend money on a gift for me. They know my main love language is words of affirmation. Hardly ever do we moms know if we’re doing a good job and if anyone even notices our efforts. So, if this is something you need to hear. Let them know that you need to hear the words and that’s what you want for your gift. It really is so fun for me to get those cards each year and I save them and I read them, and that’s just my favorite gift.
If there is a particular dessert you would like someone to make or pick up at the store, make sure they know about it. Sometimes they need very specific instructions: Baskin Robbins ice cream cake, mint chocolate chip, I don’t care what it looks like, I just want this particular flavor. If you’re not sure if it’s going to happen, order it yourself and tell your partner at what time it needs to be picked up and that they will need to clear out space in the freezer for it before they go get it.
Or you can get a little crazy and tell your family that you would like to spend the majority of the day alone, at a spa or alone in the house (this is my favorite, I even have a song that goes with the feeling of being home alone). The world is your oyster and if you prefer your family goes out into that world while you spend said amount of hours at home, then do it! This is your day and your family wants to please you.
We give and give and give of ourselves, we want to please everyone around us and help them to have such a good easy life, we don’t want to ask too much of someone else or become a burden on anyone, and so it’s really hard to ask for what we want. But of all times to ask for what we want, today is the day–or actually a few days before the day is the day—to ask for what you want, to give them time to pull it together. To paint that picture of your somewhat perfect day can actually be kinda fun too. To really sit back and think for a minute, “What would a day created just for me look like?” I mean, how often do we moms even ask ourselves that question? Some of you might be thinking, well it doesn’t count if I have to plan it. But who ever said that our perfect Mother’s Day can only happen if everything is a surprise? We most definitely can plan and speak out loud what we would like our day to look like.
Today I give you permission to do that. I challenge you to think through what this looks like and then share it with your family.
Our families will not read our mind. We wish they would, but they won’t. Even with really big hints, they probably won’t always figure it out. They will love you for letting them into your mind and expressing exactly what it’s going to take to help you feel loved on your day. You are actually making your loved one’s lives easier by doing it this way, too.
So for once in your life, moms, be a little selfish. Because it’s not selfish. Ask yourself what you would like that day to look like. Even write it down if it helps. And then share it with your family. Who knows? It might just be your best Mother’s Day yet!
And remember: Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your family, too.
Have a wonderful Mother’s Day and I’ll talk to you next week!